WHAT A YEAR!!

Okay, perhaps I am remiss here, and jumping the gun in some way- because in my world the year starts in September. It’s the month I was born and things seem to get shifty around that time. That being said- it is only the second day of May.

It is nine months and one day since my Gma passed. I think these things get me in some nine month cycle- it is ingrained in my biology as a woman.

I remember going to massage therapy school and having to start the nine month program over a second time because of life issues. It was brutal joining a new class. I didn’t finish the program.

The funny thing was, I was able to see things I didn’t perceive the first time around. I noticed the disorganization of the administration running the institute. I got caught in the cross hairs of this misadministration. I gave up because I realized I was dealing wholly with massive parasitic energy from the top of the structure, down to the apprentice clinic.

Not much has changed with that battle- the thing I would like to draw attention to, is how this would solidify something with nine month cycles and the way I would look at my past failure.

To finish a nine month program- successfully. Through the lens of failure I would look back and say to my self “you could have finished that program four times by now.”

You could be certified.

You could have a career, a job, a productive part in society.

I kept thinking that way until a condom broke in 2007. By then I could have completed 9.333333333333, nine month massage therapy courses.

I didn’t want to get pregnant. It was a foolish one night stand sort of thing. Then nine months became pivotal in another way. I was rushing to escape the deadline again. Not mature enough to find a finish line without compromise.

When I made that termination, something reset at the back of my mind, and that is the twelve month time line.

This year I would have a fourteen year old. I would probably have a bunch of other perceived failures, but every year would bring something new- maybe to look forward to, in hopes of not regressing into that mindset that nothing changes. Or that I myself am a failure.

I chose to walk another path. I don’t see it as good or bad, in my desire to be neutral.

In retrospect I keep making it another nine months. And if I look back far enough I can see those cycles from beginning to end like the ouroboros. My life is different but very much the same these days. I wonder if the conscious movement to not procreate children is a way that the snake can eat itself. To not bring more into the world than it can digest.

But then on the other hand there has been no time like the present of the Andy Warhol catch phrase “Everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame.” All eyes/I’s are on US- the United System. So many stories to tell, so many faces to see.

So I basically joined Tiktok, then deleted it. Started a “business” with a friend and joined back up.

I disavowed Facebook and all social media with the exception of Twitter where I do not engage with people in my town.

I know this sounds like- “Where are you going with this?”

I think there is a community of emotionally starved people- and it represents something bigger. I do some dumb content on Tiktok because I get just enough positivity from it to keep going back.

I save my deeper thoughts that I feel like sharing for this blog.

I keep the deepest stuff in my physical journals that I populate with ink.

People are embracing their weirdness and I am very supportive of that- but I feel the same way that I did when I was 20 years old living in the Bay Area- “I am just not weird enough.” Which would be summed down to “I’m just not good enough.”

We all have an audience- I know that to be true, but it doesn’t stop my internal conflict of how much is too much to share of myself. It doesn’t stop the comparison or the desire to just give up because it’s easy to get lost in adoration.

Adoration can be a motivator and a motivation killer. When I see something that I resonate with I am caught in a battle of self that says “you can do that” but will it be better or worse? I often times capitalize on my worst physical attributes and yet in writing, face unseen- I go a different direction of honesty.

If you follow my blog and you want some of the weird visual stuff you should find me on TikTok- https://www.tiktok.com/@madgemidgely?

I am reading some of my dog stories on there- talking about other things, dressing up and wearing wigs. It should be a good time and I would like to see you there.

@madgemidgely

#overshareinyourunderwar #madgebaresall I’ve dreamed of this day for over a decade- a flesh suit, wig and extras. I want to bare my ♥️ and finally-

♬ original sound – Madge Midgely

What is going on?

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill
Of hope for a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood
Of man for whatever that means

And so I cry sometimes
When I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What’s in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar

And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
“What’s going on?!”

Lyrics “What’s Up” 4 Non Blondes

 

I’ve been off of Facebook now, for some months.

It was my source of local relation and information about the microcosm I live within.

It was my way to know about social happenings and city evolutions.

It was the place of the updates about my up and coming 20th high school reunion.

I wonder if I threw away a useful network.

Now it’s just me and the people who are in direct contact with my daily life with no pretense.

Now it is me and animals and vegetation and Gma.

These recent days have been full of insight that comes in sparingly in regard to outside parties, however, it hasn’t stopped the insights I have been pulling in and building since before the FB exodus.

What the hell is happening in my town?

Oh, just The Story of Old in a  New Digital Era.

I am on twitter @MadgeMidgely– my local newspaper The Wyoming Tribue Eagle posts on twitter.  Almost every published article is behind a paywall.  Why then use Twitter?  I don’t think more than a handful of people follow them.    Many of these published pieces are basic AP Wire reporting from other places across the map- yet, still behind a paywall.

The most worthwhile reporting in the aforementioned periodical are obits and police blotters.  It is generic and lacks substance when it comes to the content of local reporting.

A few of the things I want to know, as of recently-is in regard to the magnanimous money drops made in our downtown area.  I want to know what the hell is happening under our noses through developing backdoor deals.   I want to know how the “Good Ole Boys” club is adapting to the digital age by funding the progeny lines of wealth, and what it means to the regular Cheyenne resident in the long run.

I don’t want to pay $14.00 for a cocktail downtown to impress anyone.  Look into the scam of alcohol pricing.

I like to go to my favorite hole in the wall pub when I get the chance and have a reasonably priced adult beverage while having a conversation with old-timer locals who work hard for people who have the money and tend to abuse their help.   Sounds like a good time, right?

My attention toward them is like a rainbow during a storm,  and each time I see these people, these residents of the city I live in, I see how time and lack of appreciation are taking its toll.   If anyone shows up to a memorial for them, it will be because of the potential for free drinks, or to brag about what a good job they did for business… That will be the end of it, until some night down the line, a patron gets drunk and sentimental, and maybe says something out of line or provocative.

These are the type of people who live downtown, but will never be able to enjoy what it has to offer as the money dumps and changes proceed without consideration to the local community.

It kind of sounds like gentrification.

Those with money are not asking what Cheyenne NEEDS as a city with a variable in demographics, however, they are putting their money where their desires are, and these aren’t “passion projects”- these are investments.

Of course, a person can invest in their own passion project, but this usually comes later once an entrepreneur type is more established.

Investments require only a passion to make large amounts of residual income.  Something that pays for itself over and over again- something the investor finds useful to their own vision and benefit.

Why does it feel like my city has no planning?

Because it doesn’t it seem to with any legitimacy.  This is a town that once was segregated by the direction of the roads- where “colored people” couldn’t purchase property in the Avenues.

It mostly appears to be a hustle and shuffle behind closed doors between people with money and vision over drinks outside of government regulation.  The government is complacent in just trying to find streams of income without actually planning the city based on its needs and developing a unique personality. Oh and some of these money streams hold government positions.

I live in a town of nepotism.

We are like the old western town fronts that were just pieces of boards propped up and painted in some sort of nostalgia that wants to shift on a dime and become “hip”- but it has no foundation for such a broad jump.   Just because it “wants to be” something, doesn’t mean that it is, or is ready for what it means for a dramatic personality shift in a drastic and different direction.

I want to think that the younger entrepreneurs in my city mean the best, and are using their wealth in that direction- but I sense they are connected to the streams of wealth that are unrealizable for the average joe, and that connection alone is going put them in places of authority that they may or may not actually deserve.

Politics is interesting as it is one of the few ways a supported individual can make insane strides by blowing hot air up innocent asses just by spouting a vision that most likely will never come to fruition in the way the average person expects-  it sets people up to become accustomed to that kind of  lose delegation through promises with little argument.

It’s time we look beyond the excitement that appears with the hope of the “next new exciting thing” and to start building something that has longevity and value to the people who call this place “home.”

We need to ask ourselves as a community, “what do we actually need, and what do we actually want?”   And that is what we need to petition for and realize- even if it means finding ways around the common construct that we take for granted to provide us infrastructure.

If those who are in tight with the acquisition of property and moving large dollar sums really want to “help” their community, they will ask those questions and listen very carefully to answers of the people.

It is fine if Cheyenne decides to be a modest but interesting destination.

We don’t need to compete if we find our own voice and integrity.  Sadly it is becoming evident that we will not be able to rely on our governing parties and their networks to ring lead that kind of mission when they have the best and easiest connections to resources.

It is going to have to be a community of people who demand transparency and who are willing to call out corruption and malfeasance, then disseminate that information to the residence to decide for themselves about.   That in and of itself is a battle of interest vs. disinterest.

Life can be hard enough without investing in politics.  Most people want to live and let live and hope they have enough to fund their life with a little leftover, or for that unexpected expense.  These won’t be the people in the $425,000 condo’s that are the gateway to the “up and coming” art district for interest.

No, the people who would actually do best in an art district, are not the seeds the city wants to be planted in that area, and they couldn’t afford it anyway.   Those people would flip the investment on its head with new ideas that don’t necessarily pop dollar signs in the eyes of investors- those ideas could be the rejuvenation this small city needs.

Now is the time to make it known that we want certain things to happen unless we settle and let go of the reigns, just to see how it unfolds as we continue to complain about the outcomes.

Your move citizens of Cheyenne, your move.